Wednesday, May 31, 2006

the negative voice vs. the encouraging voice

"The story of your life is the story of a journey of your heart through a dangerous and beautiful world. It is the story of the long and sustained assault on your heart by the Enemy who knows what you could be and fears you. But it is also the story of the long and mysterious pursuit of your heart by the God who knows you and truly loves you deeply." John Eldridge
who is our enemy?

who is our god?

it occurs to me that the "enemy" - the negative, negating, invalidating, small, sarcastic voice often sits very close to my ear (or heart?). how strange! why not reserve that seat to my god - the encouraging, loving, expansive, freeing, soothing voice?

isabella mori
counselling in vancouver
www.moritherapy.com

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

the weekend to end breast cancer

hi everyone

just a quick post today. i've decided to post occasionally about my weekend to end breast cancer participation on urbanvancouver. go to it to see my first entry!

isabella mori
counselling in vancouver
www.moritherapy.com

Monday, May 29, 2006

children and war

i found this in medicalnews today:

How Do Children Understand The Phenomenon Of War?

All over the world children are exposed to war, some first-hand, others through media images. However, little is known about how children understand the phenomenon of war, and many parents are unsure how to approach the subjects of war and terrorism with their children.

Parents can benefit from research that emphasizes their children's perspective. Increased awareness of children's knowledge of war, their sources of information about war, and developmental differences in their communication and understanding of war can help parents approach their children about this important and timely issue.

Dr. Kathleen Walker and Dr. Maureen Blankemeyer, Kent State professors in human development and family studies, have studied the understanding of war and peace among children in Ireland, the former Yugoslavia, Israel and the United States, where they also conducted a study to learn about children's awareness of the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks and what has influenced that knowledge.

of course i was quite intrigued, so i looked around to see what these researchers found - but there's nothing there.

it all sounds pretty bland.

and war is such a horrific experience for adults - how much more intense is it for children! just yesterday i spent time talking to two friends of mine, both of whom were affected by WWII in eastern europe. there is nothing bland about their stories. i, too, born not long after the war, am deeply influenced by the stories of the holocaust and WWII that my parents told me.

here are some web sites that deal with the same topic:

http://www.scils.rutgers.edu/~kvander/911/childwar2.html
http://www.colorado.edu/journals/cye/13_1/Vol13_1Articles/CYE_CurrentIssue_Article_ChildrenUnderFire_Boyden.htm
http://www.nd.edu/~krocinst/colloquy/issue%203/feature_childrenwar.shtml

it is our children for whom we want peace; for some reason, we always think of the future when we think of our children. but our children today, they need peace now.

i don't know whether it's a coincidence that i, as well as the two friends i just mentioned, feel passionate about peace.

isabella mori
counselling in vancouver
www.moritherapy.com

Sunday, May 28, 2006

understanding anorexia

i don't have anorexia but i am intrigued by how close i feel to people who have this experience. there is a way in which i understand the desire to control one's life to such a high degree. "my body will not tell me when to eat! i am in charge of that!" these words also reveal the split between "my body" and "i" - as if there were two entities. like most people, i find it easy to buy into this duality.

there is also a part of me - the small, wounded child who feels misunderstood and overlooked, perhaps? - who gets the need to influence people and occupy people's minds by my behaviours, just like the person with severe anorexia often holds their family and friends in thrall.

and i so very much understand the excitement that comes with closing in on perfection! perfection, as we imperfect human beings understand it, is such a shining ideal, such a dazzling idea to strive for. it's blinding, and there is always something comforting in that kind of emotional blindness.

even the self image that looks so very different to the person with anorexia than a "normal" (??) person is something that makes sense to me. it's nothing but an exxageration of what happens to most of us anyway - who can really see reality? who has the eyes, who has the guts? who has the guts to look upon themselves with true love? it's much easier to form some idea of oneself and then to only see that idea when we look into the mirror.

and i get the disdain that some people with anorexia experience towards people who eat "normally". in their eyes, they are striving for perfection, whereas people who eat normally or people who eat too much are just letting themselves go to seed. feeling superior is something in which we all engage.

anorexia comes at a very high price. it can mean death, it can mean serious health problems. sometimes the experience of being human is so challenging that paying that price appears worth while.

i understand that, too.

however, i don't agree that this price need be paid. i believe that there are softer, easier, more joyful, happy and free ways to live one's life according to one's own script; to interact between body and mind; to live with those around us; to strive for ideals; and that there is enjoyment in going through life with our eyes open and looking reality square in the eye. and i don't believe in sacrifice - in sacrificing our body or anything else. sacrifices are made to wrathful gods; if you have a wrathful god, i say, fire him!

isabella mori
counselling in vancouver
www.moritherapy.com

Thursday, May 25, 2006

healthy lifestyle strategies

A UCLA research study published in the June issue of the American Journal of Geriatric Psychiatry found that people may be able to improve their cognitive function and brain efficiency by making simple lifestyle changes such as incorporating memory exercises, healthy eating, physical fitness and stress reduction into their daily lives.

Researchers found that after just 14 days of following healthy lifestyle strategies, study participants' brain metabolism decreased in working memory regions, suggesting an increased efficiency -- so the brain didn't have to work as hard to accomplish tasks.

For the two-week study, 17 subjects with normal baseline memory performance scores were randomly assigned to two groups: a control group did not make any behavior modifications, while a test group incorporated healthy longevity strategies to improve physical and mental function.
wow ... i'd really like to believe that this is can be generalized to the population at large. 14 days of healthy lifestyle and brain efficiency is increased ...

i'll have to get the whole scientific report and look at some of the details. what did the control group do, for example? is it possible that the test group improved simply because they were given so much attention? also, 17 subjects - that's 8 or 9 subjects for each group. not a lot.

still, it sounds really hopeful. stay tuned for more news on this ...

isabella mori
counselling in vancouver
www.moritherapy.com

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

tracing depression

what is depression? sometimes tracing the various meanings of words can help in understanding the concept or experience for which the word stands. a while ago i spent a few hours trying to pin down when the word “depression” was first used. it looks like henry maudsley, a british physician (there were no psychologists before the late 1800s), was the first to use the word, in the early 1800’s. before that, and right through to freud (who, as far as i can tell, did not use the word “depression”), the term “melancholia” was used. this dates back to the greeks; melancholia literally means “black bile”.

when you look it up in the dictionary, “depression” is derived from “deprimere”, and “deprimere” means “to press down”. the interesting thing, though, is that “supprimere” (to suppress) means “to press down”, as well.

what is the connection between suppression and depression?

to suppress actually means more literally to press down. the prefix sub(p)- always refers to a downward notion (e.g. to submerge). freud saw suppression as pushing something down into the subconscious. this is a pretty normal process – we cannot be aware of everything that ever happened to us. perhaps the subconscious can be compared to what we have stored in the basement. most of what’s stored down there is simply because we have no use for it right now. however, there are the odd things that we stick in the basement because looking at it day in, day out is just too uncomfortable or painful. we stick them in the basement, far out of sight, probably even locked away in a trunk. problems arise (!) when there’s too much in the basement (maybe it even starts to stink from down there?), or when some of the things in the basement should either be thrown out or brought upstairs (that is, into consciousness).

i cannot give you an example of something that i have currently suppressed – it is the very nature of suppression that i am not aware of it.

to depress – that’s a more complex affair. the core meaning of the prefix de- is “away from”. down, aside, up, whatever. just get it away from me! it is interesting to think about that in the context of melancholia – black bile. the function of bile is to aid in the process of digestion, especially fat, a hard-to-digest food item. could we think about depression as pushing away that which is hard to digest? or as taking something inside (“eating” something) that we then push through the digestive tract rather than letting it “mix with our juices”? or is depression about swallowing things so fast that our bile cannot keep up with it? or is depression, as many suggest, about swallowing our anger? again, it is interesting to note that the greek word for bile – chole – is closely related to the greek word for anger – cholos.

in my opinion, the emotional part of depression most definitely involves not dealing with our feelings. (there may also be a chemical component to depression.) that can sound a little harsh, no? i immediately think, oh no, there’s something i was supposed to deal with and i didn’t! like not paying a bill. but it goes much deeper than that. in most cases we are simply not in a position to deal with the feelings. maybe we don’t know how. maybe it’s too scary or seems overwhelming. maybe the depressive feelings are closely connected to old experiences we have hidden away (suppressed).

there’s one thing we can do, though, even in the middle of depression. never mind all the emotions we have already pushed away. we can deal with that later. but we can stop pushing right now. we can stop putting things in the basement right now. and instead of resisting our own feelings, we can start to resist – or better even, simply move out of the way of – pressures from outside.

like when i moved out of the way of time pressure yesterday.

isabella mori
counselling in vancouver
www.moritherapy.com

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

stress and the buddha

stress … it’s 9:15 pm and i’ve been at it since 7 am. i’ve had a 10-minute break. somewhere around 4 pm.

look at me! i’m such a hard worker!

what a bunch of baloney!

driving my body, mind and soul like this is nothing to be proud of.

and i’m very grateful that i recognize this. so when i was driving home from a meeting, thinking about how i was going to most effectively work through the rest of the evening, mercifully, the sensible part of me told me to STOP!

“stop,” said this sensible voice to me, “stop this thinking in the future, stop the scheming and planning, and pay attention to what you’re doing now!”

so i started to pay attention to what i was doing. driving. participating in the dance of traffic. noticing the tension in my shoulders. stepping on the gas, stepping on the breaks. breathing. breathe in: 1, 2, 3, 4; breath out: 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12. breathe in …. breathe out ……..

aaaah. that felt better. breathing, stepping, looking, moving … and then of course, thoughts of the future still popping in and out. but the focus wasn’t on those thoughts anymore. the focus was on being right here, only “this”, right now, rather than doing this and that, over there, in the future.

i even pulled over for a few minutes to just sit and breathe.

i feel much better now.

thank you, buddha, for teaching me this.

isabella mori
counselling in vancouver
www.moritherapy.com

Monday, May 22, 2006

a new food and exercise plan

lindsay from dizzyisland has made a decision:

After a little encouragement from my psychiatrist on Friday, I decided to bite the bullet and begin my food and exercise plan ...

Basically what my doctor said to me made a lot of sense; at first I wasn’t hearing her, but she finally got through to me on Friday. I’ve spent years and years planning and anticipating, and not a whole lot of time actually doing. It was good to have someone there to call me on my shit, recognize my behavior pattern for what it was, and suggest that I jump right in the pool with no hesitation.

Yes, I still have a couple days left of work; yes, it’s going to be hectic; yes, I’m clueless as to whether or not I’m going to get paid yet while I’m off; yes, I have to travel to my hometown this week; but, I’m in the care of God now. There’s nothing to be afraid of. My belief that I can’t make it through a day without self-medicating, by any of my various means, is false. It’s an illusion. I can get through a day without (fill in the blank).

darn courageous, lindsay, and way to go on getting your food and exercise in order! making the move from planning to doing sounds so easy on paper. saying that you can make it through the day without self-medication sounds so healthy. pronouncing that there's nothing to be afraid of sounds so logical.

and all these things are so hard to do in actual practice.

or at least, so it seems. the metaphor of jumping in the water is so fitting. last time i went swimming (something i don't do very often), it was the same way: here i was in my bathing suit, already a little cold, walking around the pool, looking for the best way to avoid the shock of entering the water. so cold! so wet! so ... not dry, so not the what my body is used to! in a small way, i was dreading the impact of this new experience, i was dreading the moment where the rubber hits the road, so to say. there was a part of me that completely resisted the transition as well as the newness of it.

and then i got in, and within a second or two everything was fine.

i hope everything will work out ok for you, too, lindsay.


isabella mori
counselling in vancouver
www.moritherapy.com

Thursday, May 18, 2006

horticultural therapy

7 am today, when i was watering my garden, my bare feet tickled by the morning dew, i thought, why not do a quick write-up about horticultural therapy?

so i googled the term and on the first site that came up, i clicked on "what is horticultural therapy?", this is what i found:

"There are four elements that are essential for an activity to qualify as horticultural therapy if it is to be considered a profession eligible for the same status as other caring professions.
  • a defined treatment procedure that focuses on horticultural or gardening activities
  • a client with a diagnosed problem who is in treatment for that problem
  • a treatment goal that can be measured and evaluated
  • a qualified professional to deliver the treatment"
doesn't that sound ... errr ... exciting?

no?

it doesn't really tell me what horticultural therapy is. it focuses completely on the profession (another term that i think of is "priesthood") of horticultural therapy. apparently, these pries ... i mean therapists are just like "other caring professions".

so what do they care about? defined treatment procedures. aaah, there's someone who needs to be treated! who might that be? a client with a diagnosed problem. right. if you have priests, you need sheeple. and these sheeple need problems - not just any problem, mind you: it needs to be diagnosed. with the bibl ... i mean, with the DSM IV, presumably. next we care about treatment goals, and not just any treatment goal - it needs to be measured! no treatment goals, no therapy. and get out your measuring tapes, guys! and for heaven's sake, if the prie ... i mean the therapist who administers the treatment isn't qualified - just imagine the jungle of a mess that would create! i also wonder, is it considered beneficial to administer fertilizers and psychiatric medication at the same time?

oh, and did you notice the word "status" in there?

there's probably a lot of wonderful, truly caring horticutural therapists out there, and i am sorry if i offended them. it's just when i read something like the above description (which doesn't even answer the question), my bile rises. it brings up so much of what's wrong with mental health professions.

what does this say about me? am i getting a kick out of criticizing some of my colleagues? where do i commit the same errors as they do?

i'll reflect on this next time i dig around in my garden. the one that i call my "nature overcomes civilization project".

isabella mori
counselling in vancouver
www.moritherapy.com

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

gratitude - even when i'm tired

after an 18-hour day, i am incredibly tired. but i can still find a few minutes to express gratitude for the good things in my life.

the great weather we've been having lately.
our lovely gray cat, rum, who has such an easy-going personality.
that my blisters never popped!
the willingness to exercise most days.
that my friends feel comfortable giving me feedback.
the deep conversations i had today.
my "practice angels" (people who refer clients to me).
easy conversations with god.
oh, and the ivy that's really starting to grow around my window ...




isabella mori
counselling in vancouver
www.moritherapy.com

Monday, May 15, 2006

increasing psychotherapy effectiveness

research has shown that when clients are directly involved with charting the course of therapy, therapy tends to be much more effective. because of that, i use two very simple tools in my sessions that help to ensure client involvement. the one i am reprinting here is the one i give at the beginning of the session. it is useful in many ways - one of them is to chart improvement over time. if there is little improvement, the client and i can discuss what changes we need to make; and if there is improvement, we can figure out how that improvement happened, and how the improvement can be strengthened even more and firmly anchored into the client's life.

here then is the outcome rating scale:



Looking back over the last week, including today, help us understand how you have been doing in the following areas of your life, where marks to the left represent low levels and marks to the right indicate high levels.

Individually:
(Personal well-being)
I----------------------------------------------------------------------I
Interpersonally:
(Family, close relationships)
I----------------------------------------------------------------------I
Socially:
(Work, School, Friendships)
I----------------------------------------------------------------------I
Overall:
(General sense of well-being)
I----------------------------------------------------------------------I


the second tool i use is the session rating scale, which is given at the end of the session. this little questionnaire ensures that the client gets what they need out of the session - for example, that she or he feels heard, and that we talked about the things she or he wanted to talk about. when there is dissatisfaction, we talk about it to make sure that next time, the session works better for the client. an example of the session rating scale can be found at the end of this article.

isabella mori
counselling in vancouver
www.moritherapy.com

Saturday, May 13, 2006

mental illness, mental health, mental wellness

the public health agency of canada has a site on mental health - or mental illness, if you prefer that term. the definition is:

Mental illnesses are characterized by alterations in thinking, mood or behaviour (or some combination thereof) associated with significant distress and impaired functioning over an extended period of time. The symptoms of mental illness vary from mild to severe, depending on the type of mental illness, the individual, the family and the socio-economic environment.

this is an ok definition as it goes but i ask myself right away - if there is an alteration, a change, then what has it changed from? has it changed from ease (as opposed to distress) and skilful (as opposed to impaired) functioning? or maybe just from distress (as opposed to significant distress) and acceptable (as opposed to impaired) functioning?

so let's say that when one is not mentally ill, then one varies somewhere between ease and distress and between skilful and acceptable functioning.

this is again ok but just not very exciting, is it?

what's mental wellness, then?

fortunately, the public health agency has something to say about this, too. in fact, it is the UN definition of wellness:
Wellness is not only the absence of illness but also the sense of total physical and mental well-being.
this sounds fabulous! it sounds as great as the definition of non-illness sounds unexciting.

unfortunately, it also sounds pretty unrealistic.

i think that's partly because of the dualism involved in illness vs. wellness. when you take these definitions, someone with a chronic condition could never have well-being. the diabetic who lies totally content on the deck of a cruise ship during her honeymoon - sorry, no wellness. on the other hand, a physically healthy psychopath with not a care in the world would enjoy all-round well-being.

obviously, there is something wrong with this picture.

i certainly have no easy answer to this. i guess my point is that mental health, mental illness and mental wellbeing are difficult concepts to pin down. in the end, i think every person needs to define these terms for themselves.


isabella mori
counselling in vancouver
www.moritherapy.com

Thursday, May 11, 2006

chronic pain - hard to understand

many years ago, when i was still in the early phases of studying, i had a telephone conversation with a friend of mine, who at that point had lived for many years with chronic back pain. inexperienced and naive, and influenced by reading louise hay, i suggested to my friend that at some level she wanted the pain.

she was livid. why would anyone want something so horrible and crippling? how could i be her friend and say something like that? she hung up on me, angry, anxious, bothered.

that night i went to bed in a state of bewilderment. i clearly remember lying there, staring up at the ceiling, praying for insight.

and then it came to me. obviously, i did not have idea one about chronic pain. since i was not suffering from chronic pain myself, how could i? i decided there and then to become a student of people with chronic pain, to ask them to teach me.

i am grateful for the experience. being a student of chronic pain sufferers has taught me so much that is directly related to pain - about pain medication, the connection between chronic pain and depression, how doctors and the rest of society relates to people with chronic pain - the list goes on and on. but i've learned so much more. for example, about what it's like to have a disability - visible and invisible; what it means to live a "normal" life; and the superstitions we harbour towards people who are "different".

isabella mori
counselling in vancouver
www.moritherapy.com

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

suicide by a friend. or was it a stranger?

last week, a young man in his 20s, let's call him john, ended his life. he had struggled with depression for quite a while and just couldn't take the pain of his life anymore. he swallowed the pills he had hoarded over a few months, and then he left us.

there was a memorial service. they talked about how much he had loved his cat; how close he had been to his friend, mark; how much his job had meant to him; and joked that he's probably in heaven now, playing cards with st. peter.

the problem --

john liked his cat, but he adored his two horses, which were never mentioned. he had stopped talking to mark a year ago. he hated his job. he had turned his back to the church, and he was passionately opposed to gambling, which is why he never played cards. nobody talked about the fact that he was a talented, aspiring artist.

what had happened?

did the people who organized his memorial service really know john?

what would it have been like for john to truly be known by more than just a handful of friends? would it have made a difference?

i honestly don't know.

but i ask: who do we have in our lives? do we know who they truly are? do we care? do we show we care?



isabella mori
counselling in vancouver
www.moritherapy.com

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

getting sick

i feel a cold coming on.

i could ignore it.

i could go to bed.

i could get all panicky.

i could have a hot bath.

i could listen to my body.

i could feel guilty about getting sick.

i could be afraid that i've infected my friend who is weak from chemotherapy.

i could realize that it's normal to get sick once in a while.

i could accept my present reality.

i could worry that it might turn into one of those long-lasting flus.


...

all these options.

i think i'll accept that i'm not feeling well, listen to my body, have a hot bath, and then go to bed early. without feeling guilty, worried, afraid, or ignoring my present reality.

thank you, everyone who has helped me get to this point of agreeing to be friends with my body. it still doesn't come automatically, i still see feeling guilty, worried, and all those other feelings about getting sick as options - but i don't exercise those options anymore.

thank you.

isabella mori
counselling in vancouver
www.moritherapy.com

Monday, May 08, 2006

hopelessness?

"research convincingly shows that people come to therapy not because they have problems but because they have become demoralized about their chances of resolving particular challenges."

this is something i brought up in one of my earliest blog entries. there, i talked about how we face problems all the time, and how the "size" of a problem seems more to be related to our personal attitudes to them than to "what" the problem actually is.

today, rereading these words, i got stopped short by this sentence again. people become demoralized about their chances of resolving particular challenges.

in other words, they become hopeless.

"they" become hopeless.

never mind "they": i, too, have moments of being hopeless. i wouldn't even call it that (my ego doesn't like it when i call myself hopeless; it is convinced that it has a reputation to uphold) but still, that's what it is, essentially. for example, when i find it difficult to imagine a solution. i stand in front of the problem and the problem is huge, blocks out all my view. what i personally tend to do then is to imagine/pretend/rationalize that what is in front of me is "reality". for example, when i lived in an abusive relationship, i arranged my emotional world-view so that things like having my partner block my children's and my friendships was normal, not being talked to for three days was normal, his being cruel to animals was normal ... wait, i couldn't call it "cruel", of course - it was "not treating animals like humans" - so, yes, you can see how i had to adjust my language, too.

in my hopelessness, i rearranged my values, my language, my love for my children because there seemed no solution in sight.

i am grateful that the day came when i could see a solution. and i don't think i could have done it myself. i had help. from friends, strangers, family - even a lovely policewoman, a victim of domestic violence herself.

yes, i am grateful.

oh, just before i go ... what did i just say? that i had adjusted my language to fit the reality of my problem? and what had i said earlier? something about having difficulties calling some of my moments hopeless?

hmmm ... ??!!

isabella mori
counselling in vancouver
www.moritherapy.com

Sunday, May 07, 2006

being invisible

back in the 90s, i took a women’s studies course and as part of that, i was supposed to participate in an event during women’s day week. the report on this still evokes a lot of feeling in me about being a woman artist, being (in)visible, trying to swim against the stream… here is an excerpt:

as part of this series of events, there is something called "women's inspiration - an installation workshop". i catch the tail end of the previous event, a panel discussion of women artists: a theatre actor, a movie actor, and a painter. they imply that if one wants to be recognized as an artist (and, perhaps, as anything or anyone else?), one has to step out and literally exhibit oneself. i listen, nodding my head vigorously. however, i am anxious for the installation to start. i like hands-on situations – let’s not talk about exhibiting ourselves, let’s do it!

this is why i have chosen to participate in a workshop. after the panel wraps up, nothing much happens. on a table, there are two glue-sticks, a few sheets of black and purple construction paper, and no scissors. while i wonder what, when, where and how the installation piece workshop is going to happen, i read a large wall-poster covered with women's writings around focus questions such as "what is feminism?" and "why is it good to be a woman?" i answer that one with a scribble: "menstruation". a woman points out that "menstruation" starts with "men".

nothing seems to be happening yet regarding the installation but over in a corner are two women talking - maybe about the installation? i walk over and ask what is going to happen. they encourage me to start, and, against (or with?) a feeling of uneasiness, do. i write across a big sheet of paper attached to a room divider: "this is womy(e)n's inspiration". then i start to paste words and images out of magazines i had brought. i think i would like to have different images of women. mostly what i find is "attractive" women. after a while she puts on the big white sheet a photograph of roseanne arnold, one of k.d. lang, a childlike drawing of a stick-woman, a small picture of oriental looking women and children, a picture of an older woman, one of a middle-aged "normal" looking woman embracing a child, one of a black woman in an evening gown, a very powerfully sexual looking woman out of an ad where i change the words "taifoon clothes" into "taifoon woman", and a few pictures of paintings of women.

no-one else joins me and everyone else around me disperses, getting ready for a pub event that is supposed to follow. where is the "workshop?" i also have another question: where can i find more real looking women? i think maybe i would like to draw some. and a propos drawing: i try to draw other people into the process but nothing happens. soon after, a young man appears and tells me that the divider upon which i am working has to be moved. so it is moved out of the enclosed room into the open area of the student union's building. i attempt to find out who the organizer of the "workshop" is but nobody seems to be responsible. one person seems to indicate that someone was responsible but they have to do something else. the room divider with a beginning of "women's inspiration" now stands in another corner. i clean up and leave.

why did i leave? because i was so close to tears that all my functioning focused only on keeping my composure, on "getting out alive". here i was, all by myself, trying to express something that was not only important to me but to other women - after all it was "women's" inspiration, not just one woman's. i felt betrayed by those who had lured me into this experience but what was much worse was that by retreating, i felt I was betraying myself as well as other women to whom inspiration is important. and there was my little feeble attempt at expressing "women's inspiration", standing somewhere in a corner, serving as a room divider, inviting nothing but indifference, maybe even ridicule …


----

so that was quite a few years ago. nowadays i certainly wouldn’t react this strongly anymore – but there are still moments where i feel like an outcast, when i play small, when i retreat into my shell … i guess we all do that … as long as we come out again …

isabella mori
counselling in vancouver
www.moritherapy.com

Friday, May 05, 2006

time, space, stories, memories


today i went to the 75th anniversary of my daughter's elementary school. time travel! there was someone there who was may queen in 1934, a 95-year-old teacher who had taught there for many years, and of course the choir who sang right across the century, from i got plenty o' nuttin to rag mop to woodstock to i got a good mother.

yes, an experience in time and space. standing by the entrance, i watched all these people coming in. most of them didn't seem to know each other, or didn't recognize each other. 35-year-olds from langley, a man well past retirement from ontario, a guy in a kilt and a marijuana leaf dangling from his ear, a teacher-turned-textile-artist, a self described slum lord from the neighbourhood, the princpal, the choir teacher, me ... what connected us? just little strands of stime and space. the space of this school, where we have memories, and time: an anniversary. these strands of time and space connected us - like the ribbons of the may pole. woven by stories and memories: you remember when ... ? and the tall grass outside the school ... and then his brother broke his arm ... oh, my son moved to surrey, too ... mr, woodcock, he was the principal for 35 years ... stories, stories, stories. humans are story telling animals.

isabella mori
counselling in vancouver
www.moritherapy.com

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

overcoming alcoholism

stanton peele, north-america’s grand-daddy of progressive (and controversial) views on addiction, has this to say about success with overcoming alcoholism.

The most important single prognostic variable associated with remission among alcoholics who attend alcohol clinics is having something to lose if they continue to abuse alcohol.... Patients cited changed life circumstances rather than clinic intervention as most important to their abstinence.... Improved working and housing conditions made a difference in 40 percent of good outcomes, intrapsychic change in 32 percent, improved marriage in 32 percent, and a single 3-hour session of advice and education about drinking... in 35 percent. (quoting George Vaillant, in The Natural History of Alcoholism)

These results apply in all situations-in other words, more than the type of therapy, or even whether the person enters therapy, the best chance for recovery is due to the number and quality of the person's attachments to life. Having people that care about them, including family, friends, and community involvements; having activities of every sort that they find meaningful; having work skills, opportunities, and involvement; and so on predict whether people will have the motivation and resources to overcome alcoholism. They have both more to lose and more to counteract the appeal of the addiction.

while i don’t quite see eye-to-eye with stanton peele regarding AA and other 12-step programs, i would defintely agree with him regarding the above.

life circumstances are much stronger than any specific therapeutic approach in terms of motivating a person to change any kind of addictive behaviour. it is the job of a good counsellor or therapist to draw attention to and enhance these motivating factors, for example by helping the person reach out more to their support network, assisting with the intrapsychic change that vaillant talks about, supporting activities such as hobbies, creative endeavours, volunteering, etc.

my job can also be to help people find AA groups that work for them. some of them are very dysfunctional and fundamentalist and therefore not helpful. others are absolutely amazing and, contrary to peele’s opinion (and/or experience?), very empowering.

isabella mori
counselling in vancouver
www.moritherapy.com


Tuesday, May 02, 2006

the myth of keeping up


in a blog entry, the creating passionate users guys (three software/game developer geeks "passionate about how the brain works and how to exploit it for better learning and memory") make a good point about the myth of keeping up. it's really comforting to hear this from leading-edge people in information technology - if they can't keep up, who can? better yet, if they don't want to keep up, why should we mere mortals?

what kind of things am i trying to keep up with? certain types of information, definitely - for example, i'm interested in new ideas about customer service. amazon shows 3111 books for that. when i go to altavista and search for a narrower term, "customer delight", on pages built or modified within the last year, i get 73,100 results. no, i can't keep up with that. information overload.

oh, and i've just decided that i won't include any more links in this blog entry. no more following links to the nth degree - at least not tonight. that's a start.

but there's so many more things to keep up on. the dishes. the garden. the news.

you know what, though? i have this feeling that most of this is what the buddhists call maya - illusion. information overload is always around - the amount of visual, auditory and tactile information available to us at any moment is monumental. plus temperature, smells, tastes and that elusive sense of knowing (sixth sense?).

at any moment we need to choose what information to pay attention to. right now, the evening sun plays on the tall trees behind my neighbour's house, the spring leaves fresh and green. the play of light and shadow creates ripples that make me think of piano music ...

and i'm sitting on my big golden chair, and i hear my computer's fan going, and my boots feel a little tight, and and and ...

so much information!

only i can choose what to pay attention to. only i can cut through the illusion of "too much".

isabella mori
counselling in vancouver
www.moritherapy.com

Monday, May 01, 2006

enchantment

To become enchanted is a valuable skill, more essential than it has ever been before. To understand the inner truth of a person who is radically different from you, to penetrate a belief that seems preposterous, to grasp a faith that violates everything you've held dear, you must become enchanted. It's the only way. It's not difficult. Look into the wide eyes of a laughing baby, let yourself fall into that innocence, and for a breathless moment you can be taken over. People are enchanted every day - by a baby, by a flower, or by the sound of their own voice speaking ideas they didn't know they had. But to become enchanted by that which frightens or repels you - that's less common and perhaps even more vital.

from not in kansas anymore. a curious tale of how magic is transforming america. by christine wicker.

this is my 100th blog entry. enchanted by the internet ...

isabella mori
counselling in vancouver
www.moritherapy.com